My daughter is getting married on the 18th of this month. Amid the flurry of activity surrounding the wedding, I’ve been thinking about what pearl of wisdom to pass onto her. Wedding plans tend to override the more weighty issue of what makes a good marriage; how does a couple actually stay married? This question brought to mind an evening I spent with my husband a few years ago.
We had tickets to a U of M hockey game. We arrived early to enjoy dinner before the game at one of the local bars near the stadium. My husband had the quirky idea that we play-act meeting each other for the first time. And since the atmosphere of the bar was filled with the vibrant energy of college kids, it put me in the mood.
As we bellied up to the bar, my husband immediately went into character; introducing himself, asking my name. (weird to say my maiden name!) I was astounded by his complete transformation, during the hour at the bar, he never broke character. He asked about my family, where I grew up, what brought me to Minneapolis. He then asked why after going to art school, had I become a writer. He found it all fascinating. He asked questions about my writing, what was I currently working on and what led me to write on that particular subject. I was entranced. He was charming and attentive, he never took his eyes off of me. I felt devoured. I wanted to shout, “Who are you and what have you done with my husband?”
This experience taught me something. Over the years we had become comfortable with each other – which is good in a familial manner, but comfort can easily lead to laziness. Marriage takes effort. A night out where you each offer your undivided attention goes a long way.This is the pearl.
5 thoughts on “Staying Married”
Great observation. Comfort and lazy go hand in hand. It takes very little effort to make one feel good. Li
Beautifully written Nancy!
Your beautiful pearl of great price truly trumps wedding plans. I loved it! I just might wear my pearls to dinner one night with my husband of 41 years and see what happens. A few years ago I bought a pair of Billy Bob teeth on eBay. They have enhanced my Maxine jokes at senior events, lady’s prayer groups, and when a sad waitress needs to smile. I can’t believe how those ugly, buck teeth add sugar & spice to my personality! The reason for me mentioning this is to share a pearl with you. I am a writer/author, also, and when I need a funny scene I pop in the Billy Bobs. I’ve been thinking about using props like a fancy hat, long white gloves, thick glasses, a wig, a lacy umbrella, etc.
Thanks for your response! Love the fake teeth. I’ve been impersonating Trump (around friends and family) since I wear my hair short with long bangs. I just mess up my hair, pucker my lips and say, “I’m going to make America read!”
Priceless. It is so very important to the keep the marriage fresh and vibrant. As you have so wonderfully said- requires a lot of effort. All the best wishes for the impending joyous occasion.