Turbo Talking

I recently spent a week with my girlfriends–the BFF’s. We are all blessed with terrific husbands who encourage our trips, in fact, they downright insist. Isn’t that thoughtful? Or maybe they really just want some peace and quiet. Not that our wonderful men don’t enjoy a lively conversation or the odd philosophical discourse, its simply that my BFF’s and I yearn for periodic bouts of turbo talking, and our guys are more than happy to oblige our collective need.

For us talking is a sport, and typical of any sport, there are a few rules and strategies to employ. The goal is to maintain the floor, if you are in possession and then lose the floor, it may be hours or days before another opportunity arises. The number one strategy is to talk fast, telling your story quickly with as few breaths as possible, and then to segue into the next story before  another BFF responds. If she does respond its important to talk over her– louder and faster. This all takes practice. Now my BFF’s are competitive and determined to win back the floor, so as it happens quite often, I lose it. In order to win it back, I use another strategy that involves interrupting the talker with alcohol refills. I leave the talker’s glass to the last, and once all the other glasses are filled, I move in on the talker and ask if she wants a refill, this puts her off her game. Standing over her gives me physical advantage. While filling her glass, I spin off her story with one of my own–big points. With consistent training you too can master Turbo Talking, then you’ll be ready to tackle the Iron Tongue.

The Iron Tongue takes talking to a whole new level since it involves activity. To ease into the technique, start with dinner out. We like to frequent restaurants that have conversation pits since there’s no annoying interference from a table. Body language in the form of dramatic gesturing is encouraged and admired. Once this is mastered you may be ready for more vigorous activity like floating in the water while drinking. There we were my BFF’s and I, paddling around on our air mattresses, drinks in hand, while I held forth. After a period of uninterrupted talking, I noticed the current had taken us far from shore, it threw me off and I lost my place. One of my BFF’s, valiantly threw back her drink, plopped in the water and swam us all back to shore talking nonstop. I love that woman! What an athlete!

The next day we were kayaking, which presents a whole different set of challenges. Shouting is necessary and dangerous since its easier to lose one’s voice and that would be disastrous in the middle of the trip with three days to go. One of my BFF’s paired off with another BFF which is a huge ploy to gain the floor. I was forced to resort to inducing fear to keep everyone close. I hollered out, “Shark!” Everyone gathered in close craning their necks, then looked at me expectantly.  I shrugged and started talking. Win Win.

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