Yesterday I drove up north to our cabin on the North Shore. My husband was to meet me there later in the day. I packed my little Prius with all our gear including Ole, our 90 lb. Golden Retriever. My other dog Lucy, is a Yorkie who has free reign of the car while Ole is relegated to the cargo hold. I shoved the cooler in next to Ole which kept him sniffing with interest. The lid of the cooler has a broken latch so I put my laptop on the lid to hold it down. The laptop is an older model and has the weight of an anchor; this was necessary given the slobbery dog.
The day was beautiful (by Minnesota standards) the traffic heavy but manageable. Along the way I stopped at Tobies in Hinckley to buy a dozen caramel rolls; nonfat, of course! The only place to set the box of rolls was my lap since Lucy would otherwise snuff them out. It didn’t take long before the smell of caramel rolls filled the car, I couldn’t resist the sweet, yeasty aroma. I lifted a gooey roll out of the box and began munching. Nothing better than a homemade sticky caramel roll, my fingers were a mess and so was the steering wheel. Caught up in my gluttonous stupor, I failed to notice red flashing lights in my rear view mirror. The wailing siren got my attention and I quickly pulled over to the side of the road, cargo shifting in the car while I chewed, swallowing as fast as I could. Rolling down the window, I met the officer with the roll still guiltily in my mouth. I handed him my license, sticky with caramel. He looked at me shaking his head. I then held up the box on my lap and offered him a roll.
“No thanks, ma’am, I’m on duty.”
“Oh c’mon, it’s not a bribe,” I said through the doughy goo. “But it is why I was speeding. Please help yourself.”
“It’s against the law to eat and drive,’ he said.
“The roll would be delicious with your coffee,” I said, holding the box up to his nose.
He glanced furtively down the highway, and said, “Okay, just one, thanks.” He plucked a roll from the box and took a big bite. He mumbled through a mouthful of dough, “Drive careful,” and returned to his patrol car.
Luck was on my side! But just as I had pulled out onto the highway with the patrol following close behind, I heard Ole in the back munching on what sounded like plastic. In the rear view mirror I noticed my laptop had slid off the lid of the cooler and Ole had his head inside it. He came up with a package of sausages in his mouth gobbling them up as fast as he could. I couldn’t do anything but holler at him with the patrolman following me. The louder I hollered at the dog the faster he ate the package. “Drop it Ole! Now! I said drop it! Damn dog!” The car veered off to the side of the road, I over corrected the steering wheel sending the car dangerously close to the dividing line. “You shit, drop the sausages!” Within minutes, Ole was vomiting. Retching and coughing up great piles of liquid. The stench prompted Lucy to jump in the back with Ole. “No Lucy, get back here.” My rear view mirror was a flash of red lights. As I pulled over to the side of the road, I could hear Lucy and Ole snacking on a vomit pie.
I hope the weekend improves, if not I’m blaming Tobies….